Small and Simple Things

Turning towards each other is a fundamental principle in any relationship. This allows each partner to build upon their marriage and help them get through the difficult and stressful times that may arise. John Gottman stated, " The first step and turning toward each other more is simply to be aware of how crucial this mini moments are, not only to your marriage's trust level but two it's ongoing since the romance... many people think that the secret to reconnecting with their partner is a vacation by the sea. But a romantic outing only turns up the heat if a couple has kept the pilot light burning by staying in touch in a little ways." Turning towards one another doesn't need to be a grand overture. Often all it takes is the small and simple gestures that can lead to others and slowly build upon each other. Gottman stated that he has noticed that there are two types of situations which interfere with couples turning towards each other and building trust. The first is what he called the "missing" A bed because it's wrapped in anger or other negative emotions. What he means by this is that when a relationship has hit a rough patch it might be hard for one spouse to recognize when the other is trying to make a bid for connection. Often this can lead to miss interpretation, communication, and assumptions which lead to a negative outcome.  He suggest that before you reply to your spouse think about what they are saying and not how they said it. The second situation he said was being distracted by the wired world. What he means by this is that with all of the different kinds of technology and Internet access our interactions have become more virtual cutting us off from actual social interactions. Most people no longer communicate through phone calls and face-to-face meetings we often sent emails, text messages, or go on social media. We are becoming unconsciously distracted by our devices which can intern cause conflict in relationships. It's important for couples to connect with each other without their devices and find time to disconnect and unplug from all electronics and be there for one another.