Love Maps

Dr. Gottman teaches that a Love Maps is the first level of a strong relationship. He uses the term Love Map to describe where you keep all the important information in your brain in regards to your spouse or significant other. According to Dr. Gottman, “Emotionally intelligent couples remember all the major events in each other’s history, and continuously update their information as the facts and feelings of their spouse’s would change.” It is important to truly know your spouse as it will strengthen your relationship but also helps to prepare you for trials and difficulties often found in marriage.

In his book Dr. Gottman conducted a study of married couples and their level of marital satisfactions following the birth of their first child. He found that 67% of couple’s marital satisfaction declined while 33% of couples saw an improvement after the birth of their first child. He believes that those couples whose marriages thrive had a deeper understanding of their spouse as opposed to those who did not and struggled with the new dynamics of their family.

Gottman stated, “Detailed Love Maps protected couples in the wake of this dramatic upheaval. Because husband and wife were already in the habit of keeping up to date and were intently aware of what each other was feeling and thinking, their marriage remained stable. But if couple don’t start off with a deep knowledge and understanding of each other, it’s easy for a marriage to lose its way when lives shift so suddenly and dramatically.”

Dr. Gottman uses the following questionnaire for both you and your spouse to use as an exercise to see how well you know each other and how developed your Love Maps are. This questionnaire can give you a glimpse into your marriage and what areas may need improvement and how to strengthen your marriage relationship to not only strengthen your bond with one another but also prepare you for life’s difficulties.